Rory Story

Out of the mouth of babes

2011-04-04T21:05:00.001+01:00

Rory: Daddy, look! I got a big fat belly just like yours!

Must remember this during the next tantrum

2011-04-04T21:01:00.002+01:00

2 April in the park, Rory looks at me and says: I love you and daddy.

Later that day he climbed across the sofa to give each of us a sweet little kiss.

This poor child who struggles so much with anxiety and anger and impulse control can be so incredibly sweet.

I'd like to visit that toyshop

2010-09-04T14:40:00.003+01:00

Mummy: Rory, honey, stop playing with your w*lly.

Rory: But it's a toy!

Mummy: It's not a toy; it's a body part.

[PAUSE]

Rory: It's a betend toy.

Lessons in Anthropomorphism

2010-09-04T14:35:00.003+01:00

Daddy: (To cat) How's it going, Bubba?

Daddy: (Speaking as cat) Well, now, I gotta tell ya, my fur's a mess, I'm hungry, I'm....

Rory: (interrupting Daddy speaking as cat) Daddy, that's a cat. He not talking to you.

Breakfast Greetings

2010-06-17T16:43:00.002+01:00

Me: OK, Rory, here's your toast and jam.

Rory: Toast and jam! Toast and jam! Helloooo, Jammy!!

Later...

Daddy: C'mon, Rory, chop chop, we're late.

Rory: Hey...! That's WEALLY WUDE!

Italian Lesson

2010-06-01T19:02:00.001+01:00

Spaghetti Bolognese in Roryspeak:

Spaghetti Bolo Ayyyze

Cars

2010-05-16T20:05:00.003+01:00

Cars are a biiiig favourite around here right now. Having only recently learned to distinguish Roary the Racing Car from Lightning McQueen, Rory now delights in talking about both of them.

I take even more delight in the fact that he pronounces Lightning McQueen and Likindaqueen. Smiles all around.

With Sincere Apologies to the Big Guy...

2010-05-16T20:01:00.002+01:00

The scene: Rory and Daddy are in the garden. Rory is attempting to get on the swing, and not having much success.

Rory: [Mumble, mumble, mmble] Jesus Christ!

Daddy: Rory! That's not very nice. You mustn't say that.

Rory: Sorry, Daddy! [Turns back to swing] Goddamn it...

Poo

2010-05-09T18:47:00.000+01:00

It's all about poo with Rory at the moment. He has inherited (or more likely acquired through repeated expsure) my 'talent' for making up silly lyrics to songs, and his favourtie pastime now is replacing random words with the word 'poo'.

Such a proud day for me as a mother... (I would like to point out that my lyrics are much more sophisticated and hardly ever feature poo.)

Bathtime Song

2010-04-26T15:37:00.003+01:00

Fairy jokta, fairy jokta. Dornay poo, dornay poo. Solly lafateeta solly lafateeta, ding dong ding, ding dong TOILET! (cue maniacal laughing). Kid has a sense of humour...

Kitchen Red Carpet

2010-03-09T13:06:00.003Z

There's nothing like hyperthyrodism, a cold and the Oscars to make a woman feel unattractive. Every time I catch my reflection in the mirror I wonder who this bug-eyed, pasty-faced old woman is. Having to endure the inevitable red carpet Oscar photos of skinny women looking ridiculously glamorous does not help. (Thank God that occasionally they just look ridiculous.)

This is why it was particularly gratifying, when I came downstairs today ready for work, that Rory sidled up and said "You beautiful, Mummy" totally unprompted.

Eat my shorts, Charlize Theron...

Biology Lesson

2010-03-04T14:39:00.003Z

"Mummy, I got a willy."

"Yes, Rory. You do"

"You got a willy, Mummy?"

"No, because I'm a girl. Girls don't have willies."

"Daddy's got a willy."

"Yes."

"Cos daddy is a boy!"

"That's right."

"Rory's got a small willy. Daddy's got a BIG willy!"

"Yes, that's fair enough."

(Silence)

"Poo doesn't come out of my willy, Mummy. Only wee wee."

"Thank you, Rory, that's quite enough..."

Only Rory

2010-02-24T17:53:00.002Z

While I remember, the reason the URL for this blog (and the caption for the photo) is "It's only Rory," which may sound dismissive, is as follows.

At age 2, nearly 3, Rory learned how to use bath bubbles to make a beard. When he did it the first time, I pulled out Mummy trick #79: pretend you don't know where the toddler has gone.

"Goodness!" said I with feigned confusion. "Who are you? Where is Rory?!"

He quickly wiped the suds from his chin, looking alarmed.

"It's only Rory!" he quickly assured me.

I laughed my behind off, thus ensuring that particular phrase became a favourite of his for weeks.

Lights closed

2010-02-24T17:47:00.001Z

Every time we leave a room, we say "Turn off all the lights," in an effort to teach the young one about our responsibilities as stewards of the planet and not bring the wrath of the greens down on us.

Heading downstairs after our bath, Rory firmly closed every door and said proudly "Mummy! I turned off all the doors!"

Reasons 16 and 342 it's great being Rory's mum

2010-02-24T17:45:00.003Z

#16: Being praised for having a wee. "Well done, Mummy!!" exclaims the enthusiastic boy. I've never felt so proud of my micturition.

#342: "You my best friend, Mummy". Nuff said.